this is a page for

Category: autism

I Was a Shitty Mom This Past Year

Oh shit! I cursed in the title. Oh shit! I just did it again! I’m sorry for dropping the doodie bomb right out of the gate on this one, but sometimes ya just gotta say the bad word. I don’t think declaring I was a real poo poo mom this past year would’ve had the same impact; so we’re sticking with shitty. In fact, I just might actually qualify for the shittiest mom award for some of my behavior this past year. You might be wondering just what the hell happened this past year that I feel the need to declare myself a shitty mom. Well, lemme tell you… It started last September/October when little dude’s new teacher thought he might do better in a more academically challenged environment.  That meant changing his classroom, teacher and peers. I stupidly agreed to this. That was shitty. It was shitty because I was so excite about him moving into a more academically challenging environment that I didn’t even stop to think what the sudden change to his overall environment might actually do to him (spoiler alert: it wasn’t a good move).  And so they changed his class, just like that and I immediately regretted it. There was a… how can I put this nicely? Okay, there was a behaviorally challenged student in this new class and little due started picking up some really bad behaviors. Like violent behaviors. This behaviorally challenged student would do things like oh pick a desk up and throw it across the room. Guess what my little dude tried to do a few times? This behaviorally challenged student was also a hitter and now what do you think happened? Yep, little…

What My Days Look Like Now

I survived! We survived! The first day of little dude’s extended school year (ESY) session was a success. VERY different than what I’ve become accustomed to for the past 7 years, but it didn’t break me, and it didn’t break him – and honestly I was a bit more concerned about him. I haven’t met his new teacher, but I already love her. She was his ESY teacher a few years back and I was hoping she was going to be his new teacher that school year and I almost broke down and cried when she said her regular teaching gig was at the middle school. But good things come to those who wait, am I right? She’s his teacher for the summer and he’ll be in her class this fall and just by filling out the paper work she sent home, I’m already impressed. I’m also impressed that she got him to hand write a journal entry about his first day at ESY. He toured the school building and met so many new peeps. He had his snack, did some work, and wrote in his journal. He even declared in his journal entry that he needed help with nothing today. YAY!!! He handled things amazingly well. Me on the other hand… I wish it was Friday night so I cold drink some wine and just pass out. But nope. Can’t do that. I need to get up and do this all again tomorrow. At least the anxiety part of this all has subsided, just like I thought it would. But all the other stuff…. ugh!!! My Day in Bullet List Form: 5:00 a.m. – Alarm…

Off the Charts Anxiety

I’m about ready to lose my shit. I mean it! Little dude starts his extended school year session tomorrow, which is fine. I’ve come to LOVE these 5 weeks and consider them mandatory in order to maintain some level of sanity in our home because it gets little dude out of the house for 4+ hours a day and gives me, and his siblings, a bit of a break for those 4+ hours. But this year is different. This year he’ll be attending his extended school year session over at the middle school instead of the designated elementary school he’s been going to since 2010. That’s fine. In fact, I expected it. The middle school is closer to the house and I could even walk him there if I chose to. But, since he’s special needs he is entitled to take the bus, and I’ve decided to be like almost everyone else and start to take advantage of these entitlements just a little bit. However, what I wasn’t expecting was to have to walk him over to his bus stop. I wasn’t even expecting him to have a bus stop. I really thought it was going to be exactly how its been since September 2009, when he started preschool. The bus has always stopped at our front door. Now, that’s over. Well shit. I wasn’t expecting that, so I wasn’t really ready for it. Unexpected, but not the end of the world – still though it managed to raise my anxiety level up just a skooch because now we have to get up earlier and now walk to the bus stop. If we’re running…

I Know I Need To Chill (He’s Got This)

My little guy is now a middle schooler. Well, almost. I guess that’ll be official in about 2 weeks when his extended school year session begins. He’ll be over at the middle school for it. Yes, my stomach still hurts when I think about it, but I’m working on fixing that. Actually, I’m really doing my best to get a grip on some of the thoughts that race through my brain every day. It was brought to my attention the other night, during my little’s moving up ceremony, that I need to chill out. And maybe even relax. These words were uttered by both my husband and my daughter. In fact my daughter emphasized my urgent need to chill because apparently when I have one of my panic episodes it gets her all nervous and what not too. Well, excuse me for being a slightly neurotic overprotective special needs mom…! I should really be pissed off at both of them. I did tell them both to “f*ck off!” when they each suggested this. I should be the type of pissed off that makes them both question and double check the food I serve them for the next days, but I’m not because they’re… they’re… (it’s hard for me to admit this, yo)… they’re both right. Okay, you might be asking just what the heck happened at this moving up ceremony that necessitated both my husband and daughter telling me of my immense need to chill out. Well, lots. The first thing was dropping him off, which I did with my daughter. I met up with one of the aids and she led him…

50 Ways Moms Can Practice Self Love

My youngest little dude moved up to 6th grade the other night. That’s it. He’s my last little. I no longer have any kids in elementary school. Ugh… I’m getting old! To say I handled myself with grace during said ceremony would earn me a great big, “HA!” Yeah, not me (not ever). I cried like a little bee-yotch during the slide show, but that’s normal mom behavior I think. I did, however, earn myself not one but two, “you need to chill out and relax!” comments. One from my husband and the other from my daughter. I told them to both “f*ck off!” because they don’t know this struggle of mine. And don’t freak out… my daughter is 23 and she and I are like this (I’m crossing my fingers to indicate that we tight). We lovingly curse at each other ALL THE  TIME. Anyway, this struggle of mine is dealing with the little dude. That doesn’t sound right. He’s not a struggle himself, but everything I have to deal with sometimes, especially when so much gets thrown my way at once, that can feel like a struggle. Let’s just say that since my little guy was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum back in early 2009 I’ve been like right on the edge. Edge of what? Who knows? Insanity? Maybe. I’ve put myself here and I know that both my husband and daughter are right. I need to chill out. I need to calm down and pull back a bit because, for the most part, he’s got this. He knows what…